![]() ![]() It wasn’t just about the break-up, either. Moments from the relationship replayed in my head like a trailer, memories stitched together like a tapestry of someone else’s life. I couldn’t really do anything aside from obsessively check my phone and talk nonsense to the dog, who, rather unfairly, had no choice but to indulge me. But my creativity and concentration were completely obliterated by the break-up. ![]() Normally, this degree of peace and quiet would be an ideal environment for work. The eight-hour time difference also meant that, by 2pm, the majority of my friends were winding down the WhatsApp chats and going to bed. Dad was working all day and out most evenings my teenage half-siblings had school and the social schedules of high-flying magazine editors. Let’s just say that reality started to sink in, with my feelings made all the more visceral given how much time I was spending on my own. I’m not going to go into details, because this is not entirely my story to tell. Or so I thought.īut for various reasons, things took a turn around five days in. A place to recuperate, drink kombucha, and listen to podcasts about the meaning of happiness. Still, with vast mountains and perpetually sunny skies, it was a pretty great place to press pause. A mere three days later, I flew halfway across the world to stay with my dad, who lives in a remote town in northern California where everything is organic and women wear “powered by yoga” T-shirts. One week earlier, I had broken up with my boyfriend. I know all of this – but I still can’t get off the sodding kitchen floor. Believe me, I know what this sounds like. Search “heartbreak” and you’ll find several images resembling my own mise-en-scène of misery. That and total humiliation for behaving like an iStock photo. ![]() Unlike my body, though, my mind is surprisingly active, richocheting between states of loneliness and despair. But the signal that my brain is supposed to send to my limbs isn’t working something up there has ruptured. There’s nothing physically wrong with me, as far as I’m aware. I’m on the kitchen floor and I can’t move. ![]()
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